Call the title click-baity all you want, but I was struggling trying to even think of a title for this post. Anyway, what am I coming to terms with, you ask? Diabetes. I’m coming to terms with being diabetic.
Now, I can’t remember if I’ve talked about this before, or in how much detail. And yes, I could always go back and read some of my older articles, but you know what, I’m lazy and want to start from scratch here.
So, how did we get here? How did I not heed Wilford Brimley’s warnings?
Bipolar meds and PCOS can suck it
Let’s start at the beginning. I’ve been on some form of medication for my mental health since I was 14 years old. Initially, I was solely being treated for depression, but it wasn’t until my life seemingly fell apart in my early 20s that I was diagnosed correctly with Bipolar Type 2.
Well, now that I’m well into being 39 (yes, 40 is right around the corner, I know), I’ve been on these types of medications for 25 years, and that does stuff to you physically. Am I mentally a lot better? Hell yes! However, one of the well-known side effects is that there is an increased chance of developing type 2 diabetes.
There’s obviously a family history that plays a part in this, and of course, I won the lottery with basically all of my family having diabetes. But not only that, but I also have polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), which is known for causing women to develop type 2 diabetes by the time they’re 40.
So, let’s call this what it is, a grand slam of conditions working together that led to my diagnosis in my early 30s.
How have I been coping?
Well…I could be coping better. Again, I’ve had this diagnosis for several years at this stage, but I haven’t properly taken care of it until recently, and I’m still struggling.
As many of you know, I’m half Italian, raised on wonderful, delicious carbs like bread, pasta, and bread (wait, I said that already). I have always been a carb fiend, if you will. Hungry? Grab a piece of bread. Need to make dinner? Pasta is always the first choice. At a restaurant, if there’s a pasta option, I always check it out before going for something probably better for me.
However, I want to change this.
I need to change this. But it’s not just the meals, although that is a huge part of balancing things.
I’ve been trying to find ways to motivate myself to become more active for years. For a while, several years back, I was part of a Master’s Swim Club, which was amazing. It was this opportunity to relive my love of swimming while having the structure of a competitive team. I loved it. But when we moved to Oshawa, Ont., I lost that (not knowing there was one here – I JUST found this out today!).
Sure, I’ve tried joining gyms, and am currently a member of one. But I have this inner anxiety and faulty fear about going by myself. This may be because I missed my introduction meeting and have felt like a failure ever since. However, I know I need to get out of my head.
This isn’t about the number on the scale or the inches on my waist. My motivation is to feel healthier in my own skin. Looking at those A1C numbers and being happy and proud of how far I’ve come. Would I like to have a smaller waist and arms? Sure, I mean, who wouldn’t! But would I like not to have back pain and actually build my strength and stamina so I can be more active in daily life? Hell yes!
Not only that, but I know becoming more active will help my mental health tremendously! I’ve lost that work-life balance over the years, and have thrown myself into all work and professional growth, and haven’t embraced life’s joys and experiences. This is especially true since the pandemic; even then, I was going to lane swim at the local pool twice a week.
I just hit a rut, and all of this together has led to poor coping skills with this whole diabetes thing.
So, what now?
Now, I take back my power. Now, I stop living in a self-perpetuating rut and finally take back my life.
The plan
First and foremost, staying on top of my medications. My meds are incredibly important, and I’ve been known (well, I know), I sometimes skip days (usually evenings) because I’m just too lazy to take them. And that is fucking ridiculous, I know. But I convince myself of the negative, “Oh, what’s even the point?” So I’m holding myself accountable to say screw that voice in my head and just take the damn pills.
The second thing I’m going to focus on is my diet. No, I’m not talking about Yo-Yo dieting. I’m referring to the food I put into my body should work for me and my needs, versus just for taste and comfort. In a previous post, I talked about living with an eating disorder and the recovery from it. This change in my eating habits will be intentional, as I want to shift to healthier foods to manage my diabetes better. It will include portion control, for sure, but I’ll also keep my eyes wide open to ensure I’m not falling into bad old habits. I promise!
The third part of this plan is becoming more active. Will I run a marathon by the end of the year? No. But would I like to be able to join the local Masters Swim Club in September, when registration opens? You better believe it! Do I want to be stronger by the end of the year? Yes! And do I want not to have back pain? Oh hell yes! I’m going to start by going to the gym twice a week. I want to say Tuesday and Thursday, but I also want to leave flexibility in my routine in case I’m tired, sore, or playing catch-up on work or homework.
Finally, the last part of this plan is to give myself grace. This is something I don’t believe I’ve ever done. I know I won’t be perfect on this journey, and I need to give myself grace and space not to shut it all down if I eat more pasta than I should, or if I miss a gym day. I need to remind myself that there will be ebbs and flows as I change my lifestyle to become the best version of myself.
So, that’s it. That’s where I’m at. And I know I tried to document my health journey in the past on here, and I may do so again, or I may just highlight milestones or setbacks. I’m not sure yet. But no matter what, this will be one of the most important journeys of my life.
Here’s to a healthier me!
