The hard choice…

To have a baby or not? This question has been one that has plagued Pete and I since we got married over five years ago. And yes, I meant to use the word “plagued” because it’s a heavy question to answer, particularly when it comes to our situation.

You see, whenever we get asked, “When are you guys going to have a baby?” or more simply, “Are you going to have kids?”, I find my response becoming more and more draining. After several miscarriages, and now the PCOS thing, I really had to sit down and have a serious, non-emotional conversation with Pete and decide if this is something that we really want. Here are things we had to consider:

  • We will most likely face more miscarriages and heartache in the process.
  • The cost of IVF is a bit ridiculous.
  • Adoption is always an option, but not right now.
  • If we were successful and became pregnant, I would I have to stop my medication for my Bi-Polar Disorder, which is terrifying.
  • With the issues around insulin and PCOS, I have a greater chance of getting gestational diabetes.
  • There is still a lot we want to achieve personally and professionally.
  • And finally, do we actually even want a baby?

The last was the most important question of all. And, following months of conversation, even before the PCOS diagnosis, we decided that, at this time, having a baby just isn’t for us. And to be honest, it may never be for us. While we are open to the idea of adoption later on, I’m not sure we will ever have a child. I’m happy with the life we are leading now, us with our dog, having the freedom to do what we want, when we want.

All that said, it’s still going to be awkward and a bit heartbreaking when people will inevitably ask about our plans to “start a family”, but I’m getting into the mindset of being OK responding with, “My family has already started and I can’t wait to add another dog to it.” At the end of the day, this decision isn’t for everyone, and if you are someone who wants children, I love you for it. But for me, it’s just not something I see in my future.

So, the next time you are thinking about asking me what’s next for our family – remember this post. What’s next is a puppy named Edith, who will be loved unconditionally just like Agnes.

Until next time….

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  1. 5 years already? Holy crap time flies. Just wanted to comment to say how much I enjoy your blog. It’s so great seeing you be so honest and open. 🙂
    Neither myself or Ciaran have ever wanted children and it is always a difficult and frustrating conversation to have with some people. I usually just say that I enjoy money, sleeping and silence. I also am chronically tired due to a thyroid problem so having a baby would make me unbearable.
    But just remember that it’s your body, your life, and your decision. Whatever you choose to do with it is up to you. You’re the one who has to live with the consequences (I don’t mean that in a negative way at all btw). A baby is a HUGE responsibility so it’s amazing that you’re thinking through all the possibilities together with Pete. Agnes already looks like more than a handful so well done on taking on another dog! Me and Ciaran can’t even pluck up the courage to get a cat.
    Best of luck with everything. xx Molly

    1. Thank you so much for the kind words! You are completely right with the “it’s your body, your life, and your decision.” For some people, it just doesn’t make sense to have a child. It just is what it is. There shouldn’t be this negative-type of association with not having a child.

      Sending you lots of love!

  2. well said, Mati. You do already have a family, and it’s one that loves you very much to boot! There’s no need to burden your life just because societal traditions impose it on you, and you have my deepest admiration for making this decision and for walking your own path. I’m so very proud of you (and Petey, of course)!

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